I walked into my hairdressers studio and there he was. My hairdresser had gotten a new dog and he was outfitted in a cone of shame. He looked pathetic and embarrassed. Although he did walk up to me and allowed me to scratch behind his ears for a minute. That Cone of Shame was heavy and he soon found his way back to his doggie bed where he turned away from me and closed his eyes to sleep. If he fell asleep, he could hide his shame from us.
We laughed at his shame and knew he had nothing to do with that cone. It had been put there by the one who inflicted the wounds on him. In this case, the cone was good. It kept him from messing with his wounds and would give the wounds time to heal.
While the cone of shame may be shameful to wear…there are many of us with our own cones that can’t be seen by others. But they are there. Trust me. I’ve had my own shame cones before.
Some of those cones were placed there by me hiding in my own self-inflicted shame because of sins I knew better than to commit.
Throughout my 60+ years on this earth, the Shame Cones showed up in my life. And I allowed others to place them around me – even though I had nothing to do with the wounds they inflicted.
There was my mom shame cone. As a little girl she left our family and I felt ashamed because a mother leaving was “shameful.” I evidently did something wrong so the Cone of Shame came out and I wore it for years until I forgave her and dropped that cone forever.
The Cone of Shame showed up again when my marriage of 38 years crumbled. How silly could you be to divorce after so many years? What a ridiculous thing to happen. Certainly it was all your fault, Billie. All those shameful statements raced in my head and heart for years. Counseling, forgiveness and time (that hated word when you are in pain) removed the Cone and softened my heart to love again.
Let us not forget the business deal gone bad. Cone of Shame — where are you? Certainly that deserves another Wearing of the Cone! And that, too, finally fell away when I read stories of famous people who had failed before they were successful. I was counseled by business mentors too who had their own private failures. Their business failure stories helped me overcome mine. I removed that cone when I forgave myself, took the lessons I learned from the failures, and got back up to start again.
You have your own Shame Cone stories and you probably were thinking of them as you read this blog. Don’t be ashamed of your stories and instead be bold with them. You see, my friends, if you don’t talk about them or hide your Shame Cones from others, you are living in a self-inflicted, pride-filled life.
Yes shame can lead to pride and we’ve all heard this statement of truth, “Pride goes before the fall.”
And just imagine falling down with that Shame Cone – invisible or not – around your neck. It doesn’t make for a pretty fall.
If you got up today and put on your Shame Cone, I beg you to do whatever you must to remove it once and for all.
If someone hurt your deeply and then you allowed them to put the Shame Cone on before they left – remember this — you didn’t deserve to be treated that way! You have no shame, my friend. Someone hurt you. With forgiveness towards that person, in time and with tender loving care towards yourself – you will heal again. I know because I’ve lived it.
If you put it there yourself out of punishment for something you did wrong – that’s not a Shame Cone — that’s your Pride Cone. Take it off. Forgive yourself. Learn your lessons. Know that God still loves you and if you have trouble removing it yourself, ask Him for help. He has removed many Shame Cones and replaced them with Crowns of Glory on the heads of those who love Him.
And if you feel hopeless today. If that Shame Cone is closing in on you – strangling the life out of you – call someone for help. I am confident there is someone in your life who will lovingly and without shaming you – find help for you. If you don’t think there is someone who will help, I will. Call me.
Let me tell you one last thing before you put on that Shame Cone. The shame-maker doesn’t like you. He wants to strangle the life out of you. The Crown maker loves you. He wants you to live free.
Free yourself of Shame today and wear your Crown proudly. Walk it out. Hold your head high. Remember you are the Daughters and Sons of the Living God. No Shame in His court! Only freedom to dance boldly through life and enjoy this beautiful world. Okay let’s do it – Off with the Cones!
Peace, Love, Out,